Tag: Principles vs Rules

Bedtimes

Setting bedtimes is a common discussion point and it seems to be especially polarizing. When parents are ill, pregnant, or just tired from life – it can be tempting to institute strict bedtimes. Here’s a recent reply I gave about how to honor & respect the needs of the parents and our Unschoolers. While specifically replying to an inquiry about pregnancy, some of these are ideas I used during lengthy recovery from surgery. This is not a “how to” – it’s to help readers think of possible solutions.

Asking for quiet or rest times – isn’t the same as demanding a child sleep when they are not tired.

Keep in mind too, that pregnancy is fairly temporary in the scheme of things. Trying to find short term solutions to get you through the coming months is *not* the equivalent of Unparenting.

Are there activities that the kids can do that don’t require a lot of physical input from you – but still might allow them to get their own physical needs met (when our kids were toddlers – dancing/musical-type videos allowed them to jump around while I could stay sitting). A mini (or full in the yard) trampoline?

We have a game called Hyper Dash that has been an amazing investment. The “cones” can be placed in any configuration and as far apart as you want. The commands range from identifying colors or numbers and expand to simple math problems.

Also make sure that the kids are having their “emotional” bucket filled. When awake, are they getting to spend time with you and your partner?

I would always choose to lighten the load in other areas so that the kids were the last to feel the impact of any exhaustion I was feeling. Make simple or prepackaged meals, use paper plates & plastic utensils. Don’t worry about folding/hanging clothes (they can get stuff directly from the dryer or a communal basket) – if they’re wearing clothes at all.

Borrow audiobooks from the library and listen together instead of being the one reading (or FB/Twitter/YouTube, they’re flooded right now with storytimes)

Once you go to sleep or lay down – make sure the kids have whatever they need to quietly occupy themselves. TV, CD player, tablet (this can be movies, music, audiobooks, games, etc.) Night lights, sippy cups of water, etc.

There is a whole swath of options between “connected/active/engaged 24/7” and “it’s bedtime, go to sleep”.

-Rachel

Learn more about Rachel on our Contributors page.

Creating Abundance During Scarcity

“Scarcity” vs “creating abundance” is something we talk about a lot in Unschooling.

Those new to Unschooling often can’t conceive of the paradigm shift to where things are “unlimited”. Where we don’t put *arbitrary* limits on gaming, TV, internet, reading, types of food, amount of food, etc.

I think in the past few weeks, we’ve been witness to an extreme version of what happens when people even *perceive* that a shortage of something is possible. They run, they hoard, they become rude & ruthless, and some even try to find ways around the system to get even more.

It’s a version of this that happens when we *arbitrarily* limit our children. When children feel that their enjoyment is going to be limited or structured or in other ways out of their control – things like hoarding, grumpiness at interruptions or rescheduling, or finding ways to break the rules are likely to happen.

Also, looking at current events – note that despite reassurances from the government, grocery stores, suppliers, etc. that these items aren’t actually in short supply overall and that new stock is arriving daily – people are still buying up to the limit, visiting multiple stores, making multiple trips, etc. to continue to hoard these items.

Any initial relaxing/relenting of your previous rules/schedules/restrictions may take weeks or even months before your child really trusts, at a deep psychological level, that there isn’t a threat to that level of availability.

When there is a scarcity that is NOT arbitrary, work with your kids to find solutions that are as abundant as possible. Also, abundance in other areas (that you may not even realize is of concern) can help alleviate stress about scarcity somewhere else.

Today, our daughter saw ketchup at Costco and asked to buy some. I told her that I was pretty sure we had a full bottle in the pantry at home. I watched a look of concern cross her face and asked, “Would it make you feel better to know for sure that we have ketchup despite other things running out?”

“Yes”

-Rachel

Learn more about Rachel on our Contributors page.